Wile E Coyote is my hero

Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my
sister the sea. We three are one in loneliness, and the
love that binds us together is deep and strong and strange.
~Kahlil Gibran

I have been staring at the blank page of my blog for over two weeks now and nothing has come to mind.

So be it, might as well just start writing and see what my fingers find.

Most of my energy has been focused else where in the last two weeks. Mostly in dealing with actions made with the best intentions that had poor outcomes.

One would think that after so many years that I might have mastered the art of human interaction, but it’s just not the case. I am as bad at it as I ever was.

No matter how chaotic the last few weeks have been the original goal of cutting all ties romantic and other wise has been met.

I had hoped this would enable me to focus on my own life and goals and avoid the entanglements that define my life on a daily basis.
I think time will be the best judge of that.

So often in the last few weeks the question was put to me, “why cut everyone out of your life?”

Hard to explain really, I have avoided my own future and to some extent my own life in the past few years, and now I have a purpose and a destination in mind. If I loose focus I may avoid following through on that goal.

The fear of the unknown doesn’t hold much weight with me, but after so long in one place, I fear I lack the courage to embrace the trials of the traveling road again.

I feel that if I can strip my life down the most basic elements for these last few months here I won’t be tempted or forced into changing my plans.

Well the best laid plans of mine and men, and it seems I am not immune to Karma’s bitter sweet humor.

After side stepping one temptation with all the grace and poise of a car bomb, I walk right into another so hard and fast that if it was a plate glass window I would have made it ring like morning’s temple bell.

Have you ever fallen from a great height?
And in the moment when time stands still, the world sways, holds its breath and then gives you over to gravities embrace with all the compassion of a 2 dollar whore leaving a cheap hotel room crawling with sick pink neon.

In that moment you falsely believe that sheer will power will hold you in the Wile E Coyote moment of faith suspended animation. Then gravity looks your way and demands to know just what the hell is taking so long.

The arms begin to windmill in a motion we used to call rolling up the windows.
Eyes widen, air gets sucked in, and in slow motion over you go.
Indignation, panic, and a rising sense of disappointment at your obvious lack of will power, all tumbling down, down, one big happy family.
In these moments of clarity I always have the sneaking suspicion something is laughing at me just out of ear shot.

There are worse things that can happen in the world to a man, so I am not complaining, just lamenting a tiny little bit that life’s timing could perhaps just be a bit better, but so be it, everything is in motion and the clock is ticking.
How bad can it get?

The road is always going to be there, and that fact alone gives me hope.

Ghost.