Falling all the way down

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

~The Pogues

Eighteen years is a long, long time, more so when it counts for a full half of your life.

I can't say I would have given up, but that was the idea I was rolling around in my hand, between the everything with K, and the god awful train wreck of D, I just didn't have the heart to keep my head up anymore.

It was just hope against hope that had me on those last few steps. Maybe M would have been something, maybe not, I was curious, but my instincts\heart were pretty quiet on the whole subject. Put a few things in the right light and it was time to call it a night and walk on. Too old and tired to waste time on something that never was or would ever be.

Then this odd moment of serendipity as I type the words that I am done, My lady Karma steps in that very moment and shows me something.

That something turns out to be my everything, as much as I tend to put thoughts to words, I have none for her, she is nothing more and nothing less than my everything.

This is pure and utter free fall, there is no reason, no logic, no reference point to cling to, no words (even for me) to use to paint this into something that could be recognized by anyone but us.

I have always believed in the myths and the fairy tales that sung of love. It has always been the one of the three guiding passions of my life, my own personal holy grail. After so long I had all but given up hope, for what ever reason it was not mine to win.

So be it, there are worse things in life than being alone, and then I blinked and I was falling so very fast.


She is beautiful and so strong, she has a greater endurance than I, suffered at the very least as much as I ever have, but it has not broken her or jaded her heart.
She gave everything of herself and paid in full for it, and still her smile is warm and full of joy. No bitterness or malice or shadow of self doubt graces her eyes.

She has no need of my sword n shield, no dragons to slay for her, she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my chest and I was laid open to my very core.

In less time than it takes to draw a breath she became my everything. She needs nothing of a hero and without the war, the fire, and the chaos I am stripped to the bone, and I am undone and disarmed before her.



There is no choice now for me, all I can do is fall all the way down, and just maybe the last of the lost boys has come home to stay.

Ghost